Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Bobbie socks, knee socks, nylon hose

I have developed an intense dislike of pantyhose. I still wear them when appropriate, but I find them annoying. When I was younger (read: thinner and more flexible), I never understood why (usually older) women claimed to hate them. However, these days, I feel like I need to be a contortionist to get them on ("Dammit! Are these things twisted?!?!?") and once on, the waist is uncomfortable and doesn't stay put.

Usually, when the hubby and I go out to a fancy place, I like to get ready in private. That way, he doesn't see the intermediate, not-so-attractive versions of my evening's outfit (that, and I have to try on five things before I can decide which one I want to wear and I don't want to listen to him say, "So what was wrong with that one?"). However, one evening, we were short on time and we were getting ready simultaneously and therefore, he witnessed The Donning of the Pantyhose. He stood silently watching as I laboriously determined which was front and which was back, rolled them up to put them on, unrolled them because they were twisted, rolled them up again, hopped up and down on one foot while trying to get the other foot in the leg, and finally (because they were control top) the gymnastics that accompanied me pulling them up over my butt (which included laying down on the bed on my back, with my feet on the bed, pelvis in the air, pulling). And then the pulling them up little by little so they didn't sag at the ankles and knees and so on.

He said, "Now I know why you like to get ready in private." (yes, he really said that)

So, in an effort to regain a little feminine mystique, I decided to try the garter belt and stockings route. A friend of mine suggested it and I thought, what the hell, why not? I've tried thigh-highs, those stockings you can wear without a garter, and I don't like how the plastic sticks to my legs, especially in the summer. So, garter belt and stockings it is. Imagine my surprise when I went to VS (which, in theory, should sell enough feminine mystique to seduce a legion) and no garter belts. Stockings, yes. Garter belts, no. How did they think you were going to hold up the stockings, I ask you? Prayer?

Right. Enough about that.

In knitting news, I am a little less than half-way done with a red scarf for the Red Scarf Project. I'm using Knitpicks superwash in red. My Brittany needles have taken on a nice red hue. I used my stitch dictionary in California to find a nice, simple, knit/purl diamond pattern which I am surrounding with a garter stitch border (apparently I can't write a paragraph without using the word "garter" anymore). Four and a half hour plane rides are good for knitting, let me tell you!

I have another red scarf (also with a garter stitch border) that needs blocking, but this is a birthday present (past due). Then, I should really start on the socks that were supposed to be my roommate's Christmas present.

Garter.

3 comments:

  1. My entire goal in life is to never again have a job that requires me to wear pantyhose. Ever.

    I have not put pantyhose on once in the past 6 years. I will quite willingly wear tights (especially in winter), however.

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  2. Not nice making me laugh out loud at work! ;P

    Everyone once in a blue moon, I'll struggle my way into pantyhose. Control-top pantyhose crack me up - "We're going to sell you this pair of pantyhose WHICH ARE FOUR TIMES TOO SMALL, and charge you more for them! Brilliant!" Of course, I buy them, because I'm not very bright....

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  3. I spent 3 hours at the opera after a pre-opera feast in control top hose. I was cursing the day I was born. Do not recommend.

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