Thursday, June 07, 2007

Don't Fence Me In

It seems I am not the only one who yearns for those wide open spaces. But, Imbrium, I'm sorry to say that mountains make me claustrophobic. It's not so much being able to see the open sky as seeing the flat, flat land stretching for miles and miles that I miss. As you might imagine that means I'm not a big fan of the mountains in the LA area (well that and because they keep the city smog from blowing further inland and therefore all you see is this nasty brown haze--yuck!). Don't get me wrong--mountains are beautiful. And I'll never cease to be fascinated by them (topography is very two dimensional in Iowa), but they make me edgy. I guess I'll always be an Iowa girl.

This weekend is graduation weekend and so A (Temporary Roommie) and M (former Roommie) are in town. I'm very happy to see them, but it's rough hearing them talk about graduation when I am not graduating. And watching them graduate tomorrow is going to be hard, too. Which reminds me. I don't believe I ever introduced:

Dr. MRR! She has been part of my core group of friends that have been with me from my first day at grad school (M and A are the other two). She actually defended way back in the middle of May, but I've been busy going crazy over lab work and not posting regularly.

So, getting back to the whole not graduating thing. I've known for awhile, of course, that I would not be graduating this spring. I made that realization several months ago and most of the sting had gone out of it, until these last few days when I suddenly felt very very sad I was not going to be in my cap and gown with the rest of my friends. I think it might not have been so bad if only one or two of them were graduating but with all three, I definitely feel left behind. And I know I have to move past this--life is what it is, right? I mean, there's really nothing I can do to change this so I dwelling on it and getting morose and crying into my beer (wine, actually) is not doing anyone any good, least of all me. But no matter how much I tell myself this (and that it will not be the end of the world) it still bothers me.


  1. I understand. I've been through enough unexpected academic hairpin turns that I've learned to relax a bit. Though I do still occasionally twitch when I think about being 37 and still not having a PhD. Hang in there--you'll get there soon enough!

  2. Letting it out "on paper" as it were, has to help, too. Thanks for sharing with us and keep on truckin'.

  3. Better than being stuck in a career you ended up not liking like, um, my friend.